Not even 24 hours off of Facebook and I'm wondering where'd everyone go. It's interesting. I'm going to make  effort to connect with my friends, to do things other than visit online. I'm looking to summon my inner creativity.

Instagram for Android!! Awesome. A way to briefly interact together with peeps, and not what Facebook had become for me. I'm looking forward to that for sure.

Other than that, I'm playing music on Thursday. I don't know what it will amount to for sure, however, I'm playing music on Thursday!! That makes me unbelievably happy. It's great.

I know short but sweet and not a lot more than a quick barf on the page....but it'll have to do.

Facebook No More

Cut ties, the leash is off.

I just wanted to be great

<p>Found myself driving, listening to Nick Rogers on my radio. Thinking a lot about where I am in my life today. It seems as though I'm at a place ... A crossroads of sorts. Well it doesn't occur to me like a cross roads but rather a time to make choices. In my last post I talked a bit about what things I had been dealing with and how I had been doing things on my life differently. I realized today, something that shook me up. I always wanted to be great. Like really great, like get noticed by people for just how great I was. To be completely exposed, I literally wanted total strangers to recognize me as great without knowing me. It was a lofty wish, so I did what any respectable dilusional American boy would do, I played sports. And with a Passion. Lived and breathed basketball. Every minute, everyday....it was like a sickness....then when I was finally getting decent, I threw in the towel. Well not outwardly, but I quit going to class, and quit studying....so no grades, no ball. Not long after I spent a long time playing guitar, because if its not sports, the its probably MTV right? For 15 years plugged away. Then stopped practicing, stopped learning....but didn't quit outwardly right. Just let me self-sabotage. Now I've spent a year, almost, recovering the damage done from this pursuit of "being great". It's not been easy or pretty. A lot happens in your life when you're not living it. To quote Nick Rogers..."sitting in the back seat of my life, screaming at the top of my lungs". See my intention was to become incredibly successful, but I showed up in the world as not that. And you see the universe is a hitch because it gives you exactly what you say you have. And while I wanted  to he successful, what I was saying was that I didn't have it. Even worse I said I didn't have many more things than just music.....love, friendship, career, a future. When you say you don't deserve, or can't have, or aren't worth, that's just what the universe gives you. Kind of a trick huh, only cuz no one told us. So I've gotten a bit rambly...and what i really am here to share is, be great don't want to be. Be it, be what you seek. And the universe will work out the rest. Really it already has.

So I am still at the point where I am not quite sure what is in my future, not so sure what I'll choose. I'll be great though. I'll give and I'll be grateful for what I have...then all that's left is to choose.

On Being 36

It's been an interesting year. To be honest I barely remember this time one year ago. All I can really say with any honesty is that there isn't a facet of my life that hasn't changed or isn't changing now. I've moved through some of the most difficult times in my life. To be honest again, I never thought I'd see again the kind of struggle that I had in my 20's. Throughout this year I became powerfully aware of the impact that my way of being had on people in my life. I never quite realized just how I was to and with people I cared about. Someone said to someone who recently said to be, that when we're with people we either leave them full of possibility or dis-empowered. There's no in-between. I had lived much of my life in the in-between, which actually rounds down to dis-empowered. When people are dis-empowered in their relations with you, things happen. Friends get lost, relationships get vague, haziness that leads to bleakness quickly swoops in. Honestly I think we bring it in so that we can't see just what's happening. I spent much of last year not understanding why things were the way they were. Don't get me wrong, my kids are healthy, my home and bills are mostly paid for, my life wasn't tragic or as bad as it could be and there clearly was something missing. That missing was me. I wasn't in my own life. I spent most of that time and time before it, acting as if life could actual happen to me, believing that something else could be the cause of my life, other than me. 

So a few months ago things started to change for me. None bigger than when someone said "We judge people for their actions, and we judge ourselves for our intentions" and "No one can ever actually know who your are inside. they only know you as you show up to be". Two sentences changed my life forever. You see I had it that I was a good guy, capable, lovable, good father, good employee, good husband ect.... I had it that was my intention and whenever I missed the mark, I judge myself on my intention. People judged me on my action, they knew me as I showed up to be.....and that landed on me....in way I cannot describe. 

Here's the good part. I chose something different. I chose to show up as a good husband. That was first, and probably the hardest and most important. So what does a good husband do? Loves his wife, fully, crazily, without reserve-without judgement-with everything he's got, no matter what's in his head, he uses his heart. so I committed to that and most the time manage to do it. Then I chose to be a good father. To take myself out of my relationship with my kids, and just leave space and them. (That could sound confusing but your kids are best when you're just there to be with them...no other agenda). Next I chose to be a good employee. I find people's reaction to this interesting. I chose to contribute to the company that work for. Not judge or condemn or take advantage of, but to contribute. I chose to make this job the job of my dreams. (Try it, it's worth it) 

So on being 36 I have a few things to say: It took me 36 years to realizing that I'm the source of my life. I'm responsible for it. I'm responsible for how I make it and how it impacts people in my life. And it's been perfect the way it's played out....even or especially the parts I like the least. Nothing get's you out of your comfortable cage like a rotten egg...or a dozen. 

Who are you that gives life meaning...

Here it is a groove, just to transform. A bit of a break from the norm. Just a little something to break the monotony....

What this is about is nothing/everything. Who I am that gives life meaning and the conversation around things me. So I'll start with this:

I'm a fairly normal guy. Mid 30's, family and good job...but until recently...incomplete. So since then what has changed....so much. Perspective would only mildly describe the things that have transformed in my lfe. Some of my friends have accused me of joining a quotations cult. I found some real profound meaning in some of the simplest and common phrases. So this will be my platform for engaging folks on that level....please if you find interest, join the conversation....be true to yourself....and let's see where this goes...

....uh really just me and this blog

Haphazard


1. characterized by lack of order or planning, by irregularity, orby randomness; determined by or dependent on chance;aimless.